Lewis Grizzard

The country-boy perspective of Georgia-born humorist and best-selling author Lewis Grizzard shaped his reaction to all of his personal experiences even as he became a national and international celebrity. Grizzard published twenty-five books on a variety of subjects, from women and religion to golf and UGA football.

Selected Lewis Grizzard Quotations
  • Bad luck is meeting your date’s father and realizing he’s the pharmacist you bought condoms from that afternoon.
  • They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat
  • Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
  • Don’t Bend Over in the garden, Granny – You Know Them Taters Got Eyes
  • Elvis is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself
  • First, we really don’t care how you did it in Chicago. Second, if you miss it so much, Delta is ready when you are.
  • How can I trust a bank to keep my money safe when it has dozens of pens stolen every day?
  • I have it on good authority that Yankee men are so lazy they marry pregnant women.
  • I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.
  • I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
  • My ex-wives had one thing in common. When they left, they all backed up a truck.
  • The world around me is a tuxedo, and I’m a pair of brown shoes.
  • There’s a big difference between the words, ‘naked’ and ‘nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on – and you’re up to something.


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