Picking Your Poison

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. The Republican debate potluck supper kind of slipped up on me last night. I guess CNN was advertising it around the clock, I’ve just tried to cut back my TV viewership. It’s not on Doctor’s orders, it’s something I’ve sussed out for myself. My blood pressure stays much lower when I’m not watching CNN. 

Fortunately/unfortunately I’ve got  folks here at TackyToo that are hanging on every word, so when the widow Ferguson asked about five o’clock why I hadn’t set up the table and chairs in the Rec room, I had to go into hustle mode. While setting up, I caught the news about the schools closing in Los Angeles, and not closing in New York. I felt like the news should provide the moderators with another view into terrorism, but alas, I was wrong.

Speaking of hustle mode and terrorism, how about that Lindsey Graham? I can use “hustle” in a variety of ways with him, but I’ll try to be the most positive. When you invoke Princess Buttercup in your condemnation of another candidate, you’ve crossed a line. Lindsey’s still using terrorism to persuade people to support his bid for Armageddon, thank God he’s still sitting at the kiddie table.

Could CNN make it any harder to stay on their channel while going from the J.V. debates to the Varsity? Don’t they realize I’m trapped in a room of neolithic would be Republican voters without anything positive to say about their candidates? Good thing we can always talk football. Finally the Varsity strolled out on to the field of battle led by their captain, Donald Trump. We’ll start with him.

The Donald – Never at a loss for something stupid to say, The Donald now wants to punish the families of terrorists, whether they were involved or not. He completely screwed up the flights of Arabs back to Saudia Arabia after 9-11, saying they were the terrorists families. They weren’t; they were friends of the Saudi Royal family and the Bushs. He seems to have made his peace with the Republican party and the other candidates. Having a majority of potential voters jump on board your campaign with every stupid thing you say will do that.

Ben Carson – First, can we have a moment of silence for all of the dead brain cells that have been lost in Carson’s brain? Former brilliant neurosurgeon, current shameless panderer. I knew his recent trip to Jordan would fill in all of his gaps in foreign policy, and in his mind it has. Dr. Carson now feels comfortable carpet bombing the Middle East, killing those same children he would have been saving a decade ago as a surgeon. From his God like perch he realizes that only a man of his intellect can be trusted to decide who lives and who dies. God, I’d love to get a psych eval on this guy. The wiring is crossed there somewhere.

Carly Fiorina – Proved why she kept getting fired from tech jobs. She just doesn’t know anything about tech or the laws that the internet are bound by. She does hate Hillary, though. Where’s the sister love? I don’t think Hillary hate will get her over the top.

Jeb Bush – failed to point out to Donald that the Arabs being flown after 9-11 were family friends. Sadly, the Jebber understands the Middle East and Arabs better than anyone on the stage, and his proposals are the most reasonable. I keep waiting for a question from other candidates about Baba Bush and Behrain. I guess at 3% in the polls, he doesn’t warrant the scrutiny.

Marco Rubio – I get the feeling that the Repubs are trying to market him as a “young conservative Jack Kennedy”. Well, “you, sir are no Jack Kennedy.” Jack Kennedy didn’t flop sweat every time he got on camera, ask Richard Nixon. Rubio seemed to think Cruz was worthy of his attacks, avoiding the other candidates for the most part. Does this mean the fix is in at the convention? Would the Repubs string along The Donald and The Tom?

Ted Cruz – what an insufferable piece of human offal. I don’t remember who coined the phrase, but Cruz provides the perfect opportunity to ask the question, “would you buy a used car from this man?” If not, why vote for him? That boy is a few bricks short of a load.

John Kasich – It must be so hard for him to go home and face his family after each of these debates. I’m sure they’re all nice people. I’m sure his kids are saying, “Daddy why are you standing up there making sense when it’s clear everyone else is lying and shouting jingoistic claptrap?” It would have been fun to see how he would have stood up to the Republican candidates of forty years ago.

Rand Paul – yes, he’s still my “a broke watch is right twice a day”. Crossed swords with The Donald once and The Donald responded by threatening to cut the stage shorter. The exchange was innocent enough. Paul had just pointed out to the world that The Donald’s proposal to “cutoff the internet” violated the first amendment. And, by the way, targeting civilian families was in violation of the Geneva Convention. If we don’t care about the Constitution, or international treaties, elect Trump. The best one liner of the night though was after Chris Christie promise to rain fire on the Middle East, Paul said “I think if you’re in favor of World War III, you have your candidate”. Pretty funny. 

Chris Christie – took his supper at the adult table, and it looked like he has not missed an opportunity to eat since the last debate. If this keeps up, they’ll have to wheelbarrow him out at the next debate. Still the best politician on the stage though. Thank God he doesn’t have a chance.

I’m going to shower until I run out of hot water or soap, which ever comes first. I’m sure I still won’t feel clean.

 

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