Good morning, y’all. Well, between having people kick over paint cans that weren’t sitting on drop clothes, and tripping over drop clothes and claiming injury, the Republican Debate potluck was a wild and wooly affair. I’d say that the actual debate was anti-climatic to the chaos that was going on in the Rec room last night. At one point, I felt like that guy in the insurance commercial that plays the part of mayhem. You know, the guy that puts his still hot grill from the tailgate party back in his car with the five gallon gas can. It’s like, what will happen next?
Well, the night started off bad. I forgot about the debates. When Mulva came over to ask me if I needed any help in setting up, I think a blank stare was my answer. Well, we started hustling. I was moving all of my painting paraphernalia to the side, while Mulva was bringing out folding tables and chairs. We got stuff sort of situated when the first folks started arriving with their covered dishes. In spite of the cold, I was sweating like American Pharoah after the Kentucky Derby. I had just sat down to cool off with my Mountain Dew when someone pointed out that it was time to start the J.V. debate, and the TV was on the wrong channel. Well, Christ on a cracker, who even knew that Fox had a “Business Network”? I guess it makes sense, I just had no idea where it was on the satellite dish. After a call to the folks at DirecTV, we got situated, and prepared for the “Chastising in Charleston”.
The JV is down to three now, four, if you count the missing Rand Paul. I’m with Rand, I wouldn’t want to climb up on a stage with “Foaming at the mouth” Fiorina, “Google me” Santorum, or “Huckleberry” Huckabee. If The Donald didn’t apply the word so liberally to everyone who arouses his ire, you could use the JV team as the textbook definition of “losers”. This is as sad and sorry a bunch of candidates since Barney Fife ran for sheriff . It appears that I’m not the only one who has noticed, as their polling numbers are lower than a snake’s belly.
Anyway, things had calmed down, so’s to speak, when the main event turned on. It has been said that competition brings out the best in people. Clearly the quote wasn’t talking about these competitors. Ladies and gentlemen, your candidates:
The Donald – I’m not a fascist, but I play one on TV. It’s getting harder and harder to believe that the persona he has adopted to gain favorability with the great unwashed is all theater. His most “real” moment was when he took Cruz to task for maligning “New York” values. The Donald showed some real emotion and empathy in his response.
Ted Cruz – If there were a higher power, he would zap Cruz with a lightning bolt. I’m not counting on that happening. I am counting on the alienation of millions of folks, like New York, to try to capture the votes of hundreds of Evangelicals, will not play at the polls. Cruz did give a good response to The Donald’s birther allegations. Well played.
Ben Carson – zzzzzzzzzz, what? zzzzzzzzzzz. It’s kind of funny watching Dr. Carson become the Clarence Thomas of the varsity. Like Thomas agreeing with Scalia, Carson will just have The Donald speak for him.
Marco Rubio – attacked Chris Christie for assorted misdeeds. I’m wondering if Rubio was trying to separate Christie from the herd. It didn’t play well.
Jeb Bush – dead man walking. When you can be dismissed by The Donald as a nice man, and that “we don’t need another nice man in the President’s office”, you’re toast. The Jebber’s only play is if the true powers that run the country give him the nomination over the others. It could happen.
Chris Christie – still the best politician on the stage. It doesn’t look like the year of the politician, though. Maybe the exposure will help him in 2020.
John Kasich – Bowie’s “Golden Years” was playing in my head while he talked. This crowd has no interest in history, or your political record. It’s all about arousing the base, and the base are just that, base. It’s a shame to see a good man not have a chance.
Well, that’s it, we survived another one. Hopefully the Widow Ferguson will not be any the worse for her fall. I’ve got some IcyHot if she needs it.